talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
