Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
