onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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