I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
