I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
