He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
