You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
