Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
