i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
