where am i from again
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
