Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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