so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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