I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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