when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
