I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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