Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
