Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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(614): View more from Ohio

It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

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(757): View more from Virginia

You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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(530): View more from California

So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

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(703): View more from Virginia

No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

She invited us over for cocaine and donuts

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