dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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