you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
