i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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