Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
