Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize