He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
