how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
