i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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