I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
