i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
