Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
