i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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