I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
