Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
