I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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