why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize