??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
