Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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