I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
