i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
