don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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