Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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