Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
