i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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