Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize