i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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