hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
