i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
