You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
