Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
