And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
