I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
