they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize