I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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