8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
