wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
