nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
