I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
