If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
