Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize