its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
