She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
