I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
