awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
