i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
