You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
