Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
